I’m going to start with the basics of how 2022 kicked off my journey to overcoming social anxiety. In January of that year, I went on the Danial Fast and at the end of it, God told me it was my year of “New Beginnings”. So many changes were brought about in my life. All of them lead back to me overcoming social anxiety. Before we get into the details of how all of this happened – let me give a brief (longish – click here to skip 😢) history of my social anxiety.
***disclaimer – this post talks about biblical fasting. I am by no means saying that fasting is the answer to overcoming social anxiety. Or that God will automically reward you because you fasted. This is just what happened to me.
History Of My Social Anxiety
I was always a shy, quiet, and introverted person. I use to say that I was cursed with the shyness of my dads side and the “not wanting to be botheredness” of my moms side. My very nature was working against my desire to develop social skills and make lasting friends. If it wasn’t my shyness holding me back, it was the intense feeling of wanting people to get out of my life. I would either push everyone away by purposefully distancing myself. Or I would flat out tell them I didn’t want to be involved with them anymore (smh at myself). Meanwhile, with every passing year, my shyness was subtly growing into full blown fear.
More Than Just Nervous
I don’t think I truly realized that I was afraid of people, until I was 13. I was standing on the high school football field, next to one of my oldest brothers and my dad. My whole body was shaking as I tried not to make eye contact with the hundreds of people sitting in the blenchers. One by one, the announcer was calling up the families of the football team members. I can’t remember why we had to do this, but there I was ready to represent for my other brother who was on varsity.
I turned to my brother who was next to me and whispered, “I’m so scared.” He and my dad just started laughing. “Nah, I might be nervous. But I aint scared.” My brother responded. My dad chimed in to tell me how he wasn’t scared either – just nervous. That statement rang in my head and a light bulb went off.
What I had been feeling lately was way more than just nervousness!
I was scared! Terrified of my own shadow! Shaking in my boots just walking down the hallway at school. My then self had no idea how much worse that fear would get or how it would ruin my life.
Shortly after that incident we moved to a new state. I lost contact with all of my childhood friends because of the aforementioned shyness and not wanting to be botheredness. I skipped my last day at my old school (still regret it) because I cared more about sleeping in then saying goodbye to my friends. Had I known I’d spend the next 13 years totally friendless, I would have jumped out of that bed and literally sprinted to school.
Self Diagnosing Social Anxiety
Middle School and High School were the absolute WORST years of my social anxiety. To this day, I know its only by the grace of GOD that I made it through without taking an early exist from life. I spent those days in total isolation and 24/7 unease.
Simply just sitting at my desk in class had me full body shaking and unable to keep a single coherent thought in my head. People would say hi to me and I would literally be unable to say hi back or to even wave. Any sudden moments around me had me jumping out of skin. It was HELL.
I had no idea what was going on with me. Why was I so freaking afraid all the time? Why did getting on the school bus feel like I was going to get jumped by everybody on it including the bus driver?? It wasn’t until I was in the 10th grade, that I started researching my symptoms and realized I had social anxiety.
My First “Attempts” At Overcoming Social Anxiety
Being able to put a name to what was going on with me unfortunately didn’t help. Instead I just walked around angry at everyone for not being able to see through my blank stares and one word responses.
I hated them for not being able to tell that I was a fun, talkative person deep down (the delusion in my thinking!). Those feelings kept me from realizing that the problem lied within my own self. So I never committed to trying to fix it. I also thought that since I knew the magic word (✨social anxiety ✨), that God would reward me by allowing me to wake up one day totally cured.
Naturally though, I did begin to see improvements in my social anxiety. College helped because I encountered more people who were like me. I also started seeing the on-campus counselor which gave me an outlet and taught me a lot. Online dating helped too. Seeing that there were some guys who could actually find me attractive boosted my self-esteem.
Reaching My Breaking Point
Even though I was seeing so much progress in myself I was still too afraid to talk and to just be. The further I got into my 20’s, the more it felt like I was getting too old to not know how to socialize. But the thing that REALLY made me want to put my foot down on this fear… more than the isolation, hopelessness, and self-hate I had experienced.
Was that now I was getting afraid to even talk to my own brothers.
That same heart-pounding, body shaking, mind numbing fear was beginning to show its ugly head around them too. I knew I couldn’t keep living like this.
The Actual Start To Me Overcoming Social Anxiety
Finally, we get to the meat of what this blog post is all about! So! In January 2022, I decided to join in on the Daniel Fast that Transformation Church was doing. I loved the idea of starting the year off with God since I was trying to develop a deeper relationship with him. Honestly, I also thought it would be the answer to me overcoming social anxiety once and for all.
What I Expected From The Fast
I had watched so many videos of people who did the fast and they all had amazing breakthroughs. From getting dream jobs to finding a husband. I just knew that if I could make it through the 21 days and keep praying as hard as I could, then God was going to do something big and tangible for me too (fasting is not about getting rewards). Or in other words – instantly take my social anxiety away.
What I Got Instead
I was disappointed and even embarrassed when I finished the fast and nothing that I wanted happened. No job offers or men knocking on my door asking for my hand in marriage. Still uncomfortable in my own skin and afraid to talk… Thoughts of all the ways I must of messed up during my fast, flashed through my head. But I did get a 11 -16 pound (cant remember lol) weight loss. As well as a word from God about my year: “New Beginnings“.
At first, I thought he was talking about my weight loss. I was 90% sure he meant I was going to get out of the 200’s that year (Spoiler-alert – I did not LOL). But what he did for me was soooo much better than that. He put me on the path to overcoming social anxiety. 2022 was the first year that I genuinely practiced self-love and put effort into changing. It was also the start of me forcing myself out of the house.
This chart is the best way I know how to explain:
| What I Prayed For | Ways God Answered through “New Beginnings” |
| My Heart – to be fully for God and for him to remove anything in me that wasn’t like him. | New Heart – I started to become a more helpful person. |
| Vision – about God’s will for my life. | New Look At My Finances – I started learning about budgeting and saving. It was my very first year using a budget planner. New Eating Habits – I stopped snacking as much as I used to and became WAY more consistent in my weight lost journey. |
| Courage – and tougher skin. | New Church – Slowly built courage while visiting churches near me (by myself). God had been telling me to get into community and I ended up finding a great church about 5 minutes from me (read that story here) New Car – More courage was being built in me after I brought my first car and started seeking places to go on my own. (See my Step-By-Step Guide to Buying Your First Car When You Have Social Anxiety). |
| Social Anxiety – God to remove my fear of people and social situations. | New Focus – God gave me the first step to beating social anxiety. Heal! |
| Comfort In Myself – God to develop in me the ability to be my true and authentic self around anyone and in any situation. | New Thought Patterns – I starting having grace and kindness for myself for the first time ever. My self-esteem is now much higher than it’s ever been. |
| Clarity – in the end I only wanted clarity from God and that he would do whatever he wanted to do. | New Mindset – The fogginess that had been over my mind for months finally left me. I realized I was so stagnant in life because I wasn’t putting in effort to change. I was finally ready to put in work! |
Conclusion
First, I believe all the things God did were apart of the vision of his will for my life. He doesn’t want us to live in complacency and stagnation (like I was). He wants to prosper us, bless us beyond measure, and for us to have happy, productive lives. But sometimes we limit him with our lack of faith or lack of even trying for ourselves. One more point before I go:
- Biblical Fasting is NOT about trying to convince God to reward you. Its about emptying the world inside you by restricting your daily intake of it (overeating, social media, sex, whatever). While intentionally filling back up with God to get closer to him (prayer, worship, reading the bible, etc).
What was one thing that made you commit to overcoming social anxiety?
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