Get To The Root Of Social Anxiety (70+ Self-Reflective Questions)

Getting to the root of social anxiety means getting a full understanding of how you feel about yourself and why.

What Is The Root Of Social Anxiety?

The root of social anxiety is simply the negative self-perceptions you have about yourself. YOU think you’re weird, boring, unlikeable – whatever.

Because of that, you fear other people will think the same thing and treat you accordingly. You hope like heck that they won’t see your insecurities when they speak to you. Or even when they see you walking down the street.

This causes your body to go into fight or flight mode in order to protect you from what you think will happen (getting embarrassed, for example), hence why anxiety rears its ugly head whenever you’re around people.

(Related: 4 Ways Growing Up Black Gave Me Social Anxiety, where I talk about the theorized 4 types of Social Anxiety)

Understanding The Way You See Yourself Will Help Your Social Anxiety

Your lack of self-confidence has the potential to keep you socially anxious no matter how many conversation starters you Google. I’m not saying to stop researching ways to overcome social anxiety. But I am saying that WHILE you’re practicing things like getting out of the house and smiling at strangers, that you also make overcoming your insecurities a priority.

The more you get comfortable with who you are. The less you will feel like you have something to hide. Which, over time, will help you feel less anxious.

So I’ve compiled a list of 70+ self-reflective questions to help you figure out what you find to be wrong with you. Then, at the end, I give tips on how to heal from these negative thoughts. Keep reading!

Questions By Section

• Upbringing And Childhood
• Relationship With Self
• Social Skills & Personality
• Character
• Physical Appearance

70+ Self-Reflective Questions To Help You Get To The Root Of Social Anxiety

Some questions are really specific. Pick which ones apply to you. Skip the ones that don’t 😊.

Upbringing And Childhood

1. How did my parents raise me?
2. How did the way they raised me cause me to see myself?
3. Did my parents or anyone else shame me for being me?
4. What things was I not allowed to do?
5. Are these things that I’m afraid to do now?
6. What do I think about the traits that were passed down to me?
7. What traits do I wish I had or hadn’t inherited? Why?
8. How am I different from my siblings?
9. How does being different from my siblings make me feel?
10. Do I think my siblings got the “good genes”?
11. Do I feel like I’m the black sheep of the family? Why?
12. What was I like as a child?
13. Was I always shy and reserved?
14. If I wasn’t always shy and reserved, when did the change happen?
15. What were my social experiences like as a child?
16. Was I bullied?
17. What was I bullied for?
18. How did bullying affect the way I see myself?
19. What was my most embarrassing moment?
20. How did it affect me?

You May Also Like:

• My Parents Sheltered Me. Now I Have Social Anxiety

Relationship With Self

1. What do I think is wrong with me?
2. Who told me that was wrong with me?
3. Would I change anything about myself?
4. Why do I think I’m stupid?
5. Why do I think I’m incompetent?
6. Why do I think I’m unworthy?
7. Why do I think I’m not good enough?
8. Why do I feel guilty all the time?
9. Why do I feel ashamed all the time?
10. Do I trust myself? Why or why not? 
11. Am I comfortable with myself?
12. Do I like being around myself?
13. What’s one negative thing that I always say to myself?
14. What’s one positive thing that I always say to myself?

You May Also Like:

• Having Social Anxiety Doesn’t Make You A Freak

Social Skills & Personality

1. How would I describe my social skills?
2. How would I describe my personality?
3. How do I think other people would describe me?
4. Why do I think I’m weird?
5. Why do I think I’m boring?
6. Why do I think I’m awkward?
7. Why am I more weird, boring, awkward, or _____ than everybody else?
8. What don’t I like about my personality?
9. What type of personality do I think people like?
10. Why do I think I have to be outgoing?
11. Why do I feel like I have to talk more?
12. What makes me so different from other people?
13. What do I think makes me unlikable?
14. What do I think would make me more likable?
15. Why do I hate my voice?
16. Why do I hate the way I pronounce words?
17. Do I feel like I fit in with people?
18. If people knew the me outside of my social anxiety, would they like me?
19. If I didn’t have social anxiety, would I like me?
20. Is my social anxiety the only reason why I don’t like me?

You May Also Like:

• 5 Things That Make Holding Conversations Difficult

Character

1. Why do I feel like a bad person?
2. Why do I think everyone is better than me?
3. Why do I think ____ is better than me? (List a specific person)
4. What standards do I have for myself?
5. Do other people live up to those standards?
6. If I weren’t a people pleaser, would I still be a nice and helpful person?
7. Can people rely on me?
8. Do I make good decisions?
9. What bad decisions have I made?
10. Am I the only one who has made decisions like that?

You May Also Like:

• 4 People Pleasing Behaviors That Make You Socially Awkward

Physical Appearance

1. Why do I think I’m ugly?
2. Who told me I was ugly?
3. Why do I hate _____ about my body?
4. Why do I hate _____ about my face?
5. What do I think makes me undesirable?
6. If I looked different, would I be pretty?
7. If I were attractive, would I be more outgoing?
8. Do I think I need to be conventionally attractive to be liked?
9. Do I think people judge me for the way I look?
10. Do I think people hate me for how I look?
11. Do I think people are disgusted by how I look? Why?

You May Also Like:

• How To Accept The Way You Look
• How To Love The Way You Look

How To Overcome Your Negative Self-Perceptions

Now that you have a clearer understanding of your opinions about yourself. Begin to heal from them with these tips:

• Ask God to help you see yourself the way he sees you.
• Disagree with your negative thoughts and tell yourself you are the opposite.
  • “No, I am not _____. I am ____.”
• Talk to yourself the way you would a child or someone you love.
• Throughout the day, repeat to yourself that you are worthy and good enough.
• Put affirmations on sticky notes and put them on your mirror. Read them every day.
• Write down what you need to hear.
• Write a letter to your inner child (credit goes to Therapy, Explained on YouTube, because her video is the first time I heard of this idea).
• Forgive the people who hurt you.
• Forgive yourself for hurting you and for not knowing how the things you were thinking would affect you in the long run.

Final Thoughts

These were all questions I’ve asked myself at one point or another. They’ve helped me to be more aware of the way I speak to myself. And more aware of what I’m truly afraid of (people finding out that I’m mean and ditzy lol). The pressure to impress people has slowly but surely been going away. And when I’m quiet in conversations, it doesn’t leave me feeling so depressed and disappointed in myself anymore!

I encourage you to ask yourself some of these questions. Let them at least be a starting point for you.

The last thing I want to say is:

• Question every situation where you feel socially anxious.
• Note what negative self-perception triggered your social anxiety.
• Focus on healing from that negative thought, and
• Remember you are enough even with social anxiety 💕

Which of your negative self-perceptions has been the biggest contributor to your social anxiety?